Arbil to Aleppo On A Dollar

Well, it's been a few days since I left Iraq now. My closing thoughts on the country are still forthcoming, but the last few days, in limbo between destinations, have been interesting in their own right.

Iraqi Kurdistan wasn't the place I expected it to be for a lot of reasons; where I expected to find slums and beggars and giant piles of trash, I instead found hotels and parks and fountains; where I expected to find anger and anti-American sentiment, I instead found free meals and warm smiles.

The only thing I didn't find was an ATM.

It was my second day in Arbil and my fourth in Iraq when I realized that the contents of my wallet were down to 10 Turkish cents and a lot of month-old receipts that weren't going to do me a lot of good. More importantly, I realized that I hadn't seen a functioning ATM since I crossed the border.

So I did the only thing that seemed logical: panic.

After letting me vent for a bit, Roman decided it was time for a pep talk. Basically, he told me to quit acting like a dumbass American who sees value only in the form of a green rectangular slip of paper featuring a number and an historically important dead guy, and to start acting like a dude who had just hitchhiked from Cappadoccia into the heart of Iraq, repeating "yok para" (no money) like a mindless drone, to anyone and everyone who would listen.

(For his sake, I'll choose to forgive the irony then, that the next night he would tell me about how he had spent nearly a year's wage on a brand new second car that he didn't need. Welcome to the other side, my former commie friend; capitalism- where the grass is so green, it's probably artificial!)

The wisdom of Roman's words didn't hit me immediately; I was a little too busy being pissed off that no one would tell us which direction the exit to Arbil was in and that literally every single soldier who spotted us would pull us aside and interrogate us for 15 minutes, before deciding that we didn't matter.

We did make it out of Arbil, however, and after being offered an absurdly plentiful meal by a friendly restaurant manager (white shirt, above), enduring a brief but horrific bout with food sickness (I won't go into detail for your sake, but know that the memory will always conjure images of a cement truck) and then setting up camp in a nearby mountain, I started to feel very differently about my lack of money than I had just hours ago. I was beginning to come around.

Waking up to this might have helped:

Now, 4 days after my mini-breakdown in Arbil and seated comfortably on my bed in a $5 hostel in Aleppo, Roman's words are dogma. Why? Because I managed to get here on a grand total of 75 Turkish lira cents.

(Where did that 75 kush go, by the by? Try a public bathroom attendant who tricked me into thinking that the gas station bathroom would be free and then ambushed me on my way out. Hell, I'm not even sure the bastard actually worked there.)

Hitching, camping, relying on the kindness of strangers, and eating groceries out of our bags (yeah, I know that should count towards the total money spent, but hey, this is my blog, I make the rules); that's how we did it. My wallet was literally empty besides change the entire time; and man was it a good feeling. Even the burdenless feeling of having so much money that you don't have to care, can't compare to the burdenless feeling of having no money and still not caring.

And it allowed me to learn to become comfortable with being in a state of constant dependance towards strangers, from the aforementioned restaurant manager and his free meal, to the various truckers who gave us free rides, to a great Kurdish guy named Khalil (red shirt, below) who put us up for the night in a prayer room (after making us promise that we weren't homosexual and weren't about to go gay it up in a sacred area).

At the same time, I've been thinking about the various possessions I accidently left behind as I departed Istanbul in an emotionally wrecked stupor (to this day I couldn't tell you why I found it so hard to leave, I can only say that it felt like being gutted and having my intestines drip out on the floor before me): 4 T-shirts, a long-sleeved shirt, a pair of pants, and a towel.

Yeah; so, I was a little overwhelmed with my first big emotional goodbye.

The moment I realized that I'd left all that stuff behind was almost worse though; I couldn't get over it. Yeah, it was just stuff, but man, that was a lot of stuff. To lose it on my first stop? It reinforced the fear I had been carrying with me from the minute I waved goodbye to my family in the airport in Minneapolis; even as I walked through the metal detector, I had been certain that I would lose something important at any moment and be completely screwed.

Well, thus far I haven't lost anything of import, only what I left in Istanbul and an Arabic guidebook I forgot while hitchhiking, swiftly replaced in a bookstore. I haven't lost my wallet, my camera, my iPod, or, God forbid, my passport. But I will; I'll lose one of them at some point in the coming year and beyond- there's not a doubt in my mind.

And yet, somehow, I'll be okay; some part of me might even be happy. I'm reminded of the scene in The Darjeeling Limited (a movie anybody interested in India needs to see), when in order to catch a departing train, the three brothers in the movie are forced to toss their copious luggage aside and fling themselves onto their moving metal target. In the context of the movie, it served as a pretty heavy-handed metaphor for unburdening oneself and embracing the uncertainty of life. In other words, if all of your energy goes into holding on to the past and the present, you're probably going to miss the next big opportunity that comes along. These days, I'm starting to get that.

And if I finish this trip naked, all the better. Figuratively speaking. Here's some pictures:

Adriz, the Kurdish Asshole

"You wanted adventure", Roman said, as if it were my fault.

That's true I did; but I would have traded it for a good night's sleep.

The story of my night along the Turkish border begins and ends in the same benign way- with me preparing for a peaceful night sleeping under the stars, camping out behind a truck stop with the consent of the local landlords. It's the inbetween that makes the story worth telling; somewhere between 10:00 PM and 4:00 AM, I experienced one of the wierdest nights of my life, complements of a dickhead named Adriz.

I had literally just finished my last, oh-so ominously titled blog entry and fallen asleep in the tent, when both Roman and I were woken by loud voices and a flickering light just outside of the tent. We listened silently, hoping in vain that the voices and footsteps would eventually begin fading into the other direction; they didn't.

Suddenly a man- middle-aged, almost certainly Kurdish, and strangely wearing the first suit and tie that I'd seen since Adana- peeked his head into the unzipped entranceway and stared at us; just stared, as if his face were carved out of stone. By morning, I would learn that the straightface was just another part of his schtick as a sadistic deadpan comedian, but for now it mostly as a veil shrouding his true agenda.

Somewhat reassuringly, one of the men we had met earlier in the petrol stop out front- a quiet, decent young guy who had brought us bread and given me a discount on a Fanta- turned out to be the other voice we'd heard. Judging by that man's deferential tone, I assumed that the man staring me in the face was the owner of this establishment that we had decided to make our home for the night- meaning Roman and I were at his mercy.

For all I knew, our visitor could have meant us no harm and just been curious as to why two dudes were sleeping in a tent in his backyard. There was something menacing in his eyes and unsmiling expression though, and as he barked at us in a language that was either Turkish or Kurdish, but definitely not English, I was aware that Santa Clause stopping by to drop off presents this man clearly was not. Meanwhile, the words of our friends in Adana, about how the Kurds would just as soon stab you in the back as look at you, rang shrill in my ears.

Finally, after trying to talk to us in Turkish for what seemed like forever, he offered Roman a cigarette- a welcome, reassuring sign- and the younger man explained, in hideously broken English, that he wanted to buy us a beer. Primarily to alleviate the situation, I said okay.

With that both men walked away, ostensibly to go buy beer.

Meanwhile, Roman and I discussed our options. We ultimately decided that since the guys out front earlier had been so nice in inviting us to stay and offering us bread, it wasn't worth the effort to pack up our stuff and try to find a new place. Neither of us particularly loved this new guy, but he hadn't done anything negative to us, besides waking us up which isn't a criminal offense when someone is sleeping in your backyard, and now he was offering to buy us alcohol; maybe he was a nice guy whose bedside manner just needed work.

It also definitely didn't hurt that there was a Turkish oskari (military) checkpoint just half a kilometer away, which as far as I could tell, existed for one reason and one reason alone: to keep the Kurdish people, like our new drinking buddies, in their place.

After a few minutes, our friends returned, paper bag in hand, and pulled out two bottles of Efes, Turkey's finest (read: only) beer. They shoved them in our hands and then proceeded to stare at us awkwardly as we drank. I tried to start some rudimentary conversation and, despite the ginormous language barrier, I was able to discover that the middle-aged, suit-clad gentleman's name was Adriz and that the younger guy was his little brother.

Finally, Adriz dispenced with the awkward small talk and got down to business. Smiling sadistically, he turned to his brother/pawn, who would serve as translator most of the night, who relayed the message.

"He ask, do you want girls?"

Something in the dark grin that had suddenly manifested upon Adriz' face told me that I didn't.

"Mmmm... naaah. I'm good."

Apparently to change our mind, Adriz pulled out some reading material that would make Hugh Hefner's mom blush:

With a sudden glint in his typically cold eyes, he motioned to the newspaper and then in the direction of a nearby bordertown, Silopi. He didn't need to; his sly, dark grin said it all. There were girls in Silopi and he wanted to bring them to us.

It didn't take long to put it all together: Silopi, like every small hole of a city within 5 kilometers of the border, was undoubtedly a haven for drugs, sex, and other less-than-legal activities; our new friend Adriz, meanwhile, like every amoral jackass trying to kick and scrape and backstab and hustle his way up the ladder of life, was undoubtedly not above partaking in these activities if it meant some fresh green somehow making it's way into his pocket. It fit like a glove.

In other words, we were sleeping in the backyard of the local pimp. And trespassing.

We tried to explain our stance on this particular issue, but "for love, not money" didn't quite seem to translate; and if it did, it apparently translated into something along the lines of "show me some more pictures of half-naked girls in your newspaper and maybe I'll change my mind", because that's what Adriz continued to do for the next 30 minutes or so as we emphatically continued to voice our disinterest.

Finally he seemed to realize that he was getting nowhere with us, and suddenly and unexpectedly changed his tactics. He turned to his brother and began motioning between Roman and I, the whole time chortling in Turkish. I knew where this was going, even before his nervous brother voiced Adriz' thoughts.

"He say, you gays."

I thought about just agreeing with him and leaving it at that, in hopes that he would stop trying to dump prostitutes on me, but as I watched Adriz' eyes narrow into reptilian slits and heard his already barbaric yelping become louder and crueler, I figured that was probably not the way to go.

Finally, after another staredown, he turned to walk towards the lodgings of the station, and for a few seconds I thought we had won. Maybe he had just given up. When he stopped flat after a few feet, however, I suddenly realized that all he had been doing was positioning himself between us and the petrol station, the road, and, most importantly, the Turkish soldiers. I began to appreciate for the first time what an imposing physical presence this guy was.

He barked something at his meek translator, who quickly turned to us.

"He want money, for beer."

Of course, I should have known.

"How much?"

"150 lira. Each."

I gaped at them, in disbelief that they expected Roman and I to pay the equivalent of $100 each for our beers. Adriz stood; unblinking, dead serious, palm held out expectantly.

Finally, grasping for straws, and after explaining that I had nowhere near that much money, I muttered something about how I wanted to consult his friend out front, a man in a purple shirt who had been the one to originally tell us that we could sleep behind the truckstop. I took off before I could be told otherwise, and hoped that he wouldn't resort to force to prevent me from doing so. Thankfully, he didn't.

Finally, after a long, barely comprehensible conversation between us, Adriz and our new ally, purple shirt man, it was revealed that apparently Adriz had been joking the whole time. Not that I entirely bought this- it seemed more likely that purple shirt man had talked some sense into his friend, maybe reminded him that there were quite a few Kurd-hating oskari looming not so far from our present location- but when they offered to settle our debt for 7 lira per beer, I had no problem offering up the money.

To my surprise, he turned it down.

And thus a turning point in our relationship was marked. The next 45 minutes were like something straight out of a montage in the second act of a buddy-cop flick, where the formerly reluctant partners begin to warm up to each other and eventually become friends. I showed Adriz my passport; Adriz showed me his Turkish Department of Defense employee ID card (apparently pimpin' is just a sidegig). Meanwhile, I made liberal use of about the only 2 Turkish words I knew, Guzel (Good) and Arkedeš (Friend). At one point, I swear Adriz even cracked a smile. And that's when I dropped my guard... and let him hold my camera.

From that moment on, the trajectory of our relationship, as summarized in the following two photos taken by Adriz who was now refusing to give up my camera, plummeted faster than you could bat your eye.

Everything crested, after about 30 minutes of desperate, impassioned pleading on my part, and still more extensive use of the word Arkedeš, with Adriz threatening to smash the camera on the ground if I didn't hand over that 150 lira he'd been lusting after all night. Some bluffs are easy to call, like Iran threatening to nuke Israel off the face of the Earth, and Adriz and I both knew that there was no chance he was going to destroy that camera as long as he had a chance to profit off of it. On the other hand, I knew there was no way I was going to physically pry my camera out of his hands and no way he was going to give it up without being forced.

Finally, he decided I wasn't going to give him cash in exchange for the camera, and moved to plan B. He got in his car, prepared to drive away and settle for a slick new American camera as a consolation prize for his efforts. And that's when I pulled out the ace up my sleeve.

Before he could take off, I managed to motion him in the direction of the backyard, where our campsite was located. Curious, he followed me, only to discover something surpising: our tent, bags, and everything else had vanished into thin air. Suddenly he realized that Roman, who had asked to use the bathroom around the back of the station about half an hour ago, had vanished with it. He scanned his brain for an answer, and I gave it to him:

"Oscari."

Little did Adriz know that the last 30 minutes of conflict between he and I over the camera had been a distraction- a risky distraction that placed one of my prized possessions at risk, but a distraction all the same. As had been arranged, I would keep Adriz distracted just long enough for Roman to pack up all of our things and hike to the soldiers. I hadn't expected it to be so easy to keep Adriz from realizing that one of his two hostages had gone missing, but in the end his single-minded greed did that for me.

Needless to say, he eventually parted with the camera. And with one last exuberant, "Arkedeš!", I offered to take a picture of him; he grumpily shielded his face, probably a smart move on his part, considering who I planned on delivering that picture to.

At last, Roman and I met up, near the soldiers. In an unheard of example of mercy, Roman had elected to not actually speak to the soldiers; he argued that it was enough that Adriz and company thought we had done so- afterall we had escaped with all of our belongings intact and with a good story to boot. Instead, he suggested we camp out near the soldiers' camp, where we would be safe from Adriz if he decided to enact vengance. I didn't have the energy to argue- all I wanted was to find a place to sleep free of rapscallious Kurds- and so we walked to one side of the military compound, about 100 feet away from the barbed wire fence, and looked for a new place to set up camp.

Suddenly we heard shouting. A huge array of armed soldiers had gathered at the fence and was screaming at us in Turkish. We figured we should probably try to explain ourselves. Finally we found someone who spoke English and explained the whole situation. I wasn't as interested in mercy as Roman, so I told them all about the truckstop owners. They knew exactly who I meant.

20 minutes later, we'd befriended the soldiers of the camp,who were all too happy to have something to break the monotony of a life within a barbed wire fence. We were having a conversation with one English-speaking soldier in particular, when he called over one of the passing comrades, pointed to him, and told me something I did not expect:

"He thought you were a terrorist. He wanted to shoot you."

And as I stared at him in shock, the soldier in question did two things that were even more unexpected: he blushed, and then he giggled.

Now, normally I would be mad at this man who had wanted to kill me. But really, how could I be mad at a giggling Turkish oskari? It's cool.

And that's how Roman and I ended up camping behind the truckstop a second time- the soldiers' forced them to let us sleep there and leave us alone. Adriz, unfortunately, had escaped, and I almost felt sorry when purple shirt man, a relatively decent guy, was forced to take the brunt of the punishment from the soldiers for Adriz' sins. But not really.

Mostly I was just glad to have a place to sleep and looking forward to putting this ordeal in the past. Goodbye and good riddance, Adriz. You too, Turkish Kurdistan.

The Calm Before the Storm?

Six kilometers from the border, and I can taste the chaos we're about to stroll right into.

Right now, as Roman and I camp out behind a random petrol station/convenience store/seemingly abandoned truck stop, I'm enjoying the first full spectrum of stars I've seen in a long time; I'm enjoying the cool breeze licking my face; I'm enjoying the taste of America in my belly, in the form of "corba tavuk", otherwise known as the Turkish grocery store bastardization of chicken noodle soup; I'm enjoying the sound of America in my ears, in the form of bad pop songs being played through tinny iPod speakers.

Meanwhile, the most pathetic animal I've ever seen, a frail, limping dog, whimpers just 10 feet away from us, in vain hope of food he won't get; the owners of this station, kind enough to allow us to sleep here and even to bring us bread, watch TV only 100 feet; the "jandarma" (Turkish army), tasked with occupying and controlling this area of Turkish Kurdistan only about 300 feet; and finally, in literally all four directions, the lights of cities, big and small, which have yet to fall asleep.

It's one of the most bizarrely serene scenes I've ever experienced; and it's hard to believe that a place so ripe with the signs of human activity could be so free of it at the same time.

It was much more serene and picturesque at night, I swear

I've spent a day now in Turkish Kurdistan, and thus far our Adana friends have been dead wrong about the Kurdish people. Already today we've been offered free cay (Turkish tea), free bread, and a couple free rides.

The road to get here has been a fairly untumultous one as well, excluding our brief but memorable stay in Adana two nights ago. Yesterday, the third since Roman and I forged this alliance and decided to hitchhike across the border together, we must have hitchhiked with at least ten different vehicles, most of which were comfortably unmemorable.

Only one stands out in my mind- a beat up but comfy van, with a driver's seat, passenger's seat, and a lounge area in the back, where it looked like the seats had been uprooted and haphazardly rearranged so that they could face each other for a more communal experience. Typically for this area, nobody in the van spoke a word of English. Interestingly though, this didn't stop the giant, hairy, yellow-toothed bear of a man sitting to my immediate right from gesturing and shouting at me wildly- almost angrily- for the entire ride, while his even more yellow-toothed and wild-eyed friend stared at me with a cracked grin apparantly sown to his face.

At one point, right after crushing a cigarette butt casually into the carpet of the van with the sole of his shoe, the quiet, grinning man began to close the shades that were hanging over every window. Suddenly plenty aware that the three of them had both size and numbers in their favor, I was reminded of a specific scene from the movie Training Day, involving a game of poker, three crazed Mexican gangsters, and a very screwed Ethan Hawke. And I was honestly prepared to grab my bag and fling my body onto a moving highway if that's what it took to avoid joining that cigarette butt.

But it never came to that. Finally, bear-man, tired of gesturing liked a crazed lunatic for so long with so little success in communicating anything, borrowed Roman's Turkish-Russian dictionary and, after scanning it for a few moments, pointed to the word he'd been trying so hard to convey.

I asked Roman what word it was. He told me.

He's pointing to the word "cat".

The suddenly gleeful giant nodded excitedly and began to repeatedly exclaim the word in the broken accent you would expect of someone who had never spoken a word of English in his life.

"CAT! CAT! CAT!"

He calmed down after that and was complacently quiet for the rest of the ride, apparently pleased with himself for successfully communicating something in a foreign language. And while I never did figure out why this man had exhausted so much time and energy trying to communicate an innocuous word that carried absolutely no meaning within the context of our situation, I did find that somehow he didn't seem so menacing anymore.

As we got out of the car 20 minutes later, Roman summed up the situation immaculately:

"I think in America you call these peoples rednecks, yes?"

That sounds about right, yeah.

Urban Camping in Adana

Another day; another adventure. After I woke up, feasted on a delicious Russian breakfast, feasted on some of the most jaw-dropping vistas I'll ever be lucky enough to witness (check out the previous post and watch your mind explode), and wrote yesterday's blog entry, Roman and I started our day in earnest by hitchhiking the 15 or so kilometers to Ihlara Valley. The Valley is one of Cappadoccia's big draws, and in the back of the truck of a friendly apple salesman who was even nice enough to offer the poor foreigners a taste of his wares, we knew that we were in for a good day.

Ihlara Valley is like a pint-sized Grand Canyon, only instead of a rocky, desolate brown, at the pit of the gorge we found a lush green forest with a creek trickling it's way through. That so much beautiful and beautifully diverse scenery could be packed into a single small Turkish region- Cappadoccia- is something I was left continuously in awe of.

Like so many of the great things in Cappadoccia, however, the Valley is polluted with tourists and the fiends that make their living praying on said tourists, and so once again, rather than pay the entry fee of 5 liras, Roman and I took action; or rather Roman took action and I followed his lead. When no one was looking we leaped the fence, crouched in wait of a quiet moment, and then disappeared into the crowd anonymously, identifiable from paying visitors only for the smug grins on our faces.

Unfortunately, as with Goreme Open Air Museum, the best part about the whole thing was getting in; the Valley was essentially a big, handsome picnic area for tourists who wanted to take pictures of the old monasteries dotted around the bottom of the Valley- more of the defaced and lifeless Cappadoccian monasteries that I'd seen enough of the previous day to last a lifetime. It was unfortunate too that the most incredible views were those we saw for free as we approached the place, looking down from our God-like perch; everything we witnessed below paled in comparison.

Finally, after a pleasant enough walk around the area, a few dead monasteries, a quick snack of wild grapes, and a spill into the creek that I only pretended was an accident (okay, so it was), we decided it was time to wave goodbye to Cappadoccia, a place that, unlike Istanbul, had no unescapable hold over me. It was time to embark on our true mission, which would require us to first hitchhike from Ihlara to Nigde, still in Cappadoccia, to Adana, a bustling Southern industry and university city, to Osmaniye, near Adana, and to Gaziantepe, near the Syrian border.

Well, though we'd made it about a third of our route by last night, thigns didn't go exactly as planned. That's because our drivers, two college-aged Turks who stopped almost immediately and by coincidence happened to be driving directly to our second planned stop, Adana- meaning we could bypass the chore of hailing another car in Nigde- proved to be too friendly and interesting to simply use and then leave behind forever.

Like something straight out of a nightmare; no way that black sheep could be anything but the physical manifestation of pure evil

And they spoke English! Nobody in this area seems to speak English except for university students and soul sucking tourism exploiters. Luckily, these were the former and not at all the latter. One, Ahmet, had actually lived all of his life in Switzerland, though he had Turkish ethnic roots, citizenship, and friends and family. The other, Enes, by some bizarre coincidence, lived in the same out-of-the-way Istanbul neighborhood as my CS hosts Onur and Ugur- Bachelevler. They were headed to Adana to visit Enes' girlfriend, who lived there.

Another thing they had in common Onur and Ugur, and almost everyone in Turkey in fact, was their exceptional generosity. I'd chalk it up to them being good Muslims- which they were seeing as how they fasted during Ramazan and never drank- but Onur was emphatically not Muslim, so Turkish generosity must be more complex than a simple religious mandate. Regardless, as if it weren't enough that they had driven us the four hours from Cappadoccia to Adana for free, they insisted that we come out with them and their friends so that they could buy us an Adana Kebab, famed throughout Turkey (or so they said).

My Adana Kebab guru

And so we did, and they proceeded to give us a whirlwind tour of the city, punctuated by Adana Kebab (actually an entirely seperate menu item from it's- in my mind- superior Donor counterpart), an amazing traditional Turkish desert that was like a combination between a giant cheesecurd and a pancake (yeah, I know, it sounds horrific, but trust me on this one- it wasn't) and a neighborhood football ("soccer") match that we attended, that ended in one of the most boisterous victory chants I'd ever seen, despite the fact that our hosts told us that the game in actuality had no importance beyond a casual scrimmage between friends.

The city of Adana, meanwhile, though it didn't have the style or substance of it's big brother Istanbul, is a lot nicer than I expected. It's basically a pretty typical modern city, with all upside and downside that such a tag carries. For a clear juxtoposition between Adana and Istanbul, all I had to do was compare each city's most famous mosque. Istanbul has the thousand year old Ottoman-era Blue; Adana has the equally grand Sabanci Mosque, built only 10 years ago, and the biggest in Turkey.

(Interestingly, the financer of this new mosque, Mr. Sabanci himself, had the gaul to both name the mosque after himself and to build it with 6 minarettes, a feature that I think only the Blue Mosque and the one in Mecca can match. Ballsy dude.)

It wasn't easy convincing Roman to take the Turks up on their offer and spend the evening in Adana. At first, Roman- characteristically seeing the value of common sense where I could not- was hesitant, afraid of getting stuck within the city limtis for the night, where our options would be limited and it would become very difficult to use his tent for a free night's stay. I, on the other hand, was not about to turn down a free meal and a good time just to do the practical thing. Finally, recklessness and naivete won out over my Russian friend's common sense and good judgement, and we joined the Turks for a night on the town.

Four or five hours later, after a night to remember, our hosts for the day stopped their car at the foot of a highway ramp only a few kilometers from the center of the city, where we realized we were expected to get out.

"Please, a little further out the city?", Roman pleaded in broken English. "This place not so good for make camp."

Ahmet explained that if they got onto the highway at all they would be forced to drive for a very long time. And we knew we were screwed.

Even so, I couldn't say that I really regretted taking our drivers up on their offer, my belly and mind both gloriously sated. Roman certainly did however, and as he spewed venom all over the side of the busy highway, I decided to keep my mouth shut.

My face as the realization slowly sunk in that, while taking 900 photos in front of the Sabanci Mosque is cool, it didn't quite make up for the fact that I was going to be sleeping on the side of the road in an hour


Night was well upon us by then, and we had no idea how to find a hotel or the desire to pay for one. So we did the only sensible thing- march a few 100 meters down the highway, climb the small fence, wade through an onslaught of sharp, cruel shrubs and branches that we hoped would protect us from invaders in the night, and set up camp with the highway in clear view.

For a proper US analogy, imagine camping along highway 94 within the Minneapolis city limits, as trucks and sedans blaze past literally every second, about 50 feet away. And then take into account that Adana is a city with a population of about 2.75 million people.

Well we survived. It wasn't even really that bad. Unlike the night before, I didn't nearly freeze to death. Meanwhile, no one chose to fight their way through our army of evil shrubs just to disturb our sleep. In the morning, even Roman admitted that all had turned out okay, over another exceptionally good Russian breakfast of rice, bread, and selcuk (sausage).

And so we turned our attention to the coming days, in which we'll be heading through the land of Turkey's least favorite sons and daughters- the Kurdish people. Though they had never been to Kurdistan, Ahmet and Enes- like all good Turks- felt it their national duty to mention repeatedly that the Kurds were "bad people" and that we would need to keep our guard up at all times if we didn't want to be gutted or mugged at gun point.

Though they certainly meant well, their warnings only make me that much more anxious to get to Kurdistan and witness the Turk-Kurd soap opera from the other side of the table. I have a feeling that the reality of the situation will prove to be a little bit more gray and a little bit less black and white than our new Turkish friends would prefer to believe.

A lil' more Selime

Waking Up In Selime Valley (Cappadoccia)

So this is what it feels like to be born...

All of the above were taken within a window of about an hour within a radius of about a quarter of a square kilometer within Selime Valley in Cappadoccia

 
And some bonus pics, taken in and around the area before and after:

Laying Siege to the Tourism Machine in Cappadoccia

Sigh...

Istanbul- you were my lover for 19 glorious days but ours was a love that couldn't last. Dozens of painful goodbyes later, I'm finally free from the dark spell that you used to hold me in place for so long; finally free to wander where I may.

It took a previously unseen grit and determination to pull it off, but so far my escape has been well worth it. In my latest destination, the beautiful but tourist-ridden Cappadoccia, the seeds of adventure are being sown and walls that previously seemed perilously unscaleable are being torn down...

When I first arrived in Cappadoccia, I wasn't convinced that the bitter sting of leaving Istanbul would ever lift. After a relatively eventless 18 hours in a 6 person sleeper cabin in a Turkish train (and by relatively eventless, I mean that it was eventless other than the violently angry Turkish screaming contest that took place for 2 hours between everyone else in my cabin, while I looked on from my bunk above, bemused and with no idea what the hell was going on) I was deposited in Kayseri, whose name I understand roughly translates as "blandest city in all Turkey". After being viciously mocked by a crowd of Turks at a bus stop for trying to walk all the way to the Otogar (bus station) in pouring rain, I figured catching a bus was probably the way to go; it was.

I reached the Otogar, relatively dry and only a little shamed, and after stumbling through a labyrinth of of bus company booths, booked a 10 lira ticket to Goreme (where my unbooked hostel was waiting). I went to the bus stop that my ticket directed me to, was let on that bus without any problems, and 40 minutes later found myself being dropped in Avanos- a city that I'm sure is wonderful, but also a city that is not Goreme.

I finally made it to Goreme with the help of some friendly locals, and proceeded to throw up a little in my mouth as I realized how touristy the place is. Every sign is in English, every word spoken seemed to be in either that or some other West European language, and even the giant rock formations sprouting throughout the city looked like big plastic models under the city lights at night. All in all, Goreme feels more like an amusement park than the humble Turkish village it tries so hard to impersonate.

In retrospect, my first impressions may have actually been a little harsh. The city is a giant tourist trap, but it's also a pretty nice place to spend a day or two. The cave hostels (which are cheap and adorable!), a series of dorms carved into the aforementioned rock formations, in particular make it worthwhile. And my cave hostel, Nomad, came especially cheap after I made a savvy deal with the owner, to give him a 100% rating in exchange for a discount. Sometimes it pays to be an unethical bastard.

More importantly, Cappadoccia isn't just a beacon for tourists; it's a beacon for adventerous souls. One of these bright-eyed and gallant wanderers- an amiable and incredibly resourceful Russian named Roman who hails from St. Petersburg- has even become my new travelling companion and mentor. In our time in Cappadoccia he taught me how to hitchhike and live off the land without paying a dime. Last night we hitchhiked, via 6 different drivers, into Selime Valley- a little known and relatively untouristed Cappadoccian location that also happens to be one of the most ridiculously beautiful places I've ever seen.

Then we set up camp in Roman's tent. Basically, we're Brokeback Mountain-ing it, minus the gay.

It was during the day, however, when we took action against the Goreme Open Air Museum, and it's absurd prices. Not only did they expect us to pay the 15 lira entry fee to see the series of ancient monasteries, but they also failed to mention that the biggest and best of the monasteries wasn't included in the price and would require another 8 lira to gain entrance. Thus, we decided to take matters into our own hands and do everything in our power to not pay.

First, we climbed up a nearby hill, to survey the scene and try to find a way in. From there we began circling the site, looking for a hill or wall we could climb down that didn't involve a treacherous fall. We couldn't find one. Looking down on all the ant-like tourists below though, we knew our egos wouldn't let us stop until we did.

Suddenly we heard shouting, and realized that there a man on top of a somewhat distant hill was gesturing for us to come. Was this the kind, anti-establishment soul who would make it happen?

We joined him, his wife, and his donkey in a bizzare caravan to what we naively thought would be a secret entrance to the museum. It wasn't; it was their home, a humble abode without a front wall, carved into the face of a hill. And then he asked us for money, so we left.

For a second we felt an ounce of hope when we saw looming above us a terrace full of tourists. After a quick water break, we readied ourselves for the treacherous climb up to the terrace and began climbing once the crowd had moved on. We got to the top and found... a wall, impossible to scale, and a guard in a tie, smirking and shaking his head.

I pleaded with him to tell me another way in. His smile only grew wider. "Everywhere impossible!" he announced smugly.

We moved on, back to the entrance, knowing that we had given it our best and that our best hadn't been good enough. We had spent a full two hours trying to find the weak link that would be our entrance into the area and had only found walls that prevented us from entering from below and falls that were deep enough to prevent us from entering from above.

I taught Roman a new English phrase, "The journey is the destination." As we sat at the entrance, however, carefully watched by a guard who had smartly sat right next to us, somehow neither of us could quite shake the sting of failure.

Finally, we collected ourselves for one last desperate search for a way. We would climb the nearest hill and if we didn't find a way in, we would accept defeat and go find somewhere more in our price range to hang out. We climbed the hill... and found a half open grate. Perhaps???

We climbed through the grate, walked a few minutes over some more hills and saw it- a series of rocks that we could slide down into Goreme Open Air Museum. We paused for a moment, exhaled... and took in that sweet, sweet waft of victory.

To be honest, as fun as taking way too many victory poses in my Cap'n America tee all over (particularly in front of the ticketed entrance) was- not unlike a dog peeing on a fire hydrant or Neil Armstrong planting the American flag on the moon- the place itself wasn't all that cool; most of the monasteries were either devoid of frescoes or had long ago had their frescoes scratched out by Muslim invaders; meanwhile, being surrounded by German tourist groups taking pictures of every rock and every monastery didn't help.

Still, the moment I saw the confused look on the previously smug guard-with-tie's face, it was all worth it.

Our break-in to the Open Air Museum is just the beginning of bigger and better things, however. Together Roman and I have cooked up the boldest, most dastardly plan I've ever taken part in. The plan involves a great deal of hitchhiking, camping, and a region of the world that's drawn a lot of attention over the last... oh, 8 years or so.

And it's only hours away from being put into execution.